I decided to share my query from start to finish for my MG novel. ALL comments are welcome and I do mean that. Hack it up, compliment, just say something. LOL My decision to share it comes with the fact the novel just went over the half way mark and the kids are still loving it. So, I thought I would share the query so I can work on it at the same time I work on the novel itself.
By the way… this is in rough draft form!
Without further adieu…
Deglan Rising a 30-35K Midgrade Fantasy Novel
The time of rising has come for those of age in the Teken Clan. Marked at birth, each Teken must accept the role given to them to continue their society as it has always been. No one has ever dared challenge the ways of the Teken… until now.
Ten-year-old Deglan knows he is different from the rest of his Clansmen. While his classmates excel in their instruction, Deglan’s mind wonders about far off places he’s sure exist outside the borders of their Island Nation in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Deglan’s peers anxiously anticipate the Rising Ceremony, which takes place under the lunar eclipse, each knowing they will finally have a purpose to life. Deglan, on the other hand, can’t shake the feeling that he was meant for more than this.
Plagued with nightmares after finding out his mark may doom him, Deglan awakes the morning of the eclipse to find Teken authorities breaking down his door. His parents encourage him to flee and follow the voice in his dream to journey across his world and into the next searching for the answers to the meaning of his life. When he crosses paths with Meia, a face and voice from his dreams, he wonders if she could be the key to his destiny.
Only one problem, Meia is from the forbidden human clan and Deglan is… a dragon.
(EDITED with MVs Suggestions)
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4 Responses
I like how concise this is. And I think the story has a great premise! I am confused about “the time of rising” if it is a time of rising, does that mean it is flourishing? Or is this the setting for conflict? And if so, your subsequent sentences negate that with “it is business as usual”.
Re: second paragraph, a suggestion: drop “from the rest of his Teken” and keep Clansmen. Should Deglan’s mind be wondering or wandering? “to far off places” suggests it should be “wandering” unless he’s “wondering” *about* those far off places. I would nix “in the pit of his stomach” (just a suggestion).
In the third paragraph, four sentences in a row begin with “Deglan”. Perhaps change it up to make it more fluid? I like the hook at the end, but is this story about self discovery, or is there a conflict that will affect both worlds?
This sounds pretty fantastic, Eisley and I think the target audience would really get sucked into it!
Excellent insights! And since this is like my first draft… all valid.
The wondering/wandering could be either… so I suppose I have to think on that.
Lots of Deglan’s to start off the sentences… sheesh! You are right…
Ohhh! and I forgot to mention the “time of rising” is literal… it’s their time to take flight in a ceremony called the Rising Ceremony… so it’s a literal time to rise.
Oooh, perhaps it should be capitalized?